my life is not my own.

Words are so cheap. I very much dislike putting them on paper because it seems like they just stare back at me, laughing at my lame attempt to make them convey something in my heart. How do I then begin to communicate something, if these words I write will not perform the task I give? I don't feel like an artist with my tongue or pencil. Shall I allow only others to craft with these tools? There is a little voice inside of me that screams, "NO! Don't let them have all the fun!" There's also another voice simultaneously, equally as emphatic, which says, "Yes, but allow Jesus to write a poem with your life. He is the Artist and you the art."

just a thought, but i think that the cross happened to show me that i can't do it all on my own.

Speed.

shoot.
life keeps on happening, regardless of how often or loudly i tell it to slow down.
relationships. work. school. schoolwork. i need to slow down. take a chill pill. can someone tell my brain to follow suit? can my life become slightly less intense? can i drop one or two things please?
i need jesus, that's it. period. my life is too much for me to handle alone. these thoughts are choppy, like my brain waves.
do we ask for this craziness in our speed-consumed culture, and then wonder why our lives don't smooth out? in our world of drive thru windows and atm machines are we actually the product of something we don't want?

take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee.

Not enough...

I have a bit of a hard time with the English language, but not because I haven't spent enough time speaking it. I sometimes feel as though there aren't words to describe certain feelings. Like when I see something remarkable in creation or feel a sense of awe towards God, I may use the same word to express a feeling as when I see hear about a good grade someone received or a nice car.
This frustrates me.
Some languages have certain words reserved for honor, for greatness.
Maybe I should learn to keep some words sacred.

Thoughts?

Ever think about how amazing it was that King David chose the wrath of God over the other consequences offered to him in 2nd Samuel 24? David had sinned by numbering his fighting men and then Gad, the prophet, came and gave him 3 choices: Famine, fighting, or plague.
David's answer is amazing, "I am in deep distress. Let us fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is great; but do not let me fall into the hands of men."
Wow.

summer is happening

books.
work.
time to think.
Jesus.
camp.
thailand.
new roommate.
rest.
sweet map.
old friends.
new friends.
thai food.
asian friends.
newman's own lemonade.