my life is not my own.

Words are so cheap. I very much dislike putting them on paper because it seems like they just stare back at me, laughing at my lame attempt to make them convey something in my heart. How do I then begin to communicate something, if these words I write will not perform the task I give? I don't feel like an artist with my tongue or pencil. Shall I allow only others to craft with these tools? There is a little voice inside of me that screams, "NO! Don't let them have all the fun!" There's also another voice simultaneously, equally as emphatic, which says, "Yes, but allow Jesus to write a poem with your life. He is the Artist and you the art."

just a thought, but i think that the cross happened to show me that i can't do it all on my own.

Speed.

shoot.
life keeps on happening, regardless of how often or loudly i tell it to slow down.
relationships. work. school. schoolwork. i need to slow down. take a chill pill. can someone tell my brain to follow suit? can my life become slightly less intense? can i drop one or two things please?
i need jesus, that's it. period. my life is too much for me to handle alone. these thoughts are choppy, like my brain waves.
do we ask for this craziness in our speed-consumed culture, and then wonder why our lives don't smooth out? in our world of drive thru windows and atm machines are we actually the product of something we don't want?

take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee.

Not enough...

I have a bit of a hard time with the English language, but not because I haven't spent enough time speaking it. I sometimes feel as though there aren't words to describe certain feelings. Like when I see something remarkable in creation or feel a sense of awe towards God, I may use the same word to express a feeling as when I see hear about a good grade someone received or a nice car.
This frustrates me.
Some languages have certain words reserved for honor, for greatness.
Maybe I should learn to keep some words sacred.

Thoughts?

Ever think about how amazing it was that King David chose the wrath of God over the other consequences offered to him in 2nd Samuel 24? David had sinned by numbering his fighting men and then Gad, the prophet, came and gave him 3 choices: Famine, fighting, or plague.
David's answer is amazing, "I am in deep distress. Let us fall into the hands of the Lord, for his mercy is great; but do not let me fall into the hands of men."
Wow.

summer is happening

books.
work.
time to think.
Jesus.
camp.
thailand.
new roommate.
rest.
sweet map.
old friends.
new friends.
thai food.
asian friends.
newman's own lemonade.

Close to home Cont.

I purchased a copy of Street Roots, which I just noticed is dated February 20th, and I laughed.
My best roommate and I went to Powell's on Burnside to do some homework and I saw a man selling it. So, in view of my last post, decided to buy a copy. If you've not had the time to read the real article let me tell you this: a paper costs $1 and the salesperson only has to pay 25 cents back to the company so it seems like a great way for a person to make money if he or she wishes. Although I don't know what it's like to be homeless, this job certainly seems like something I'd prefer doing over holding a sign. The topics found in the paper cover a wide range and all of the issues relate to what we're seeing in our City today. Sweet.
Next time you're at Powell's look for the guy holding a stack of these papers and buy one; you'll like it.

Close to home.

Heard of Relevant Magazine? It comes once every two months but I happened to check out the web site and came across an article titled Street Roots: The Voice of the Homeless. It caught my eye because it talks about Portland and our very own Powell's; more importantly, the man selling newspapers outside the door.
Check it out.

retrospect.

spring break turned out to be what i needed, thankfully. i only really accomplished one of the things on my list: sleep. i read about a chapter of schaeffer, had some good bible study (luke 8.16-18), got some homework done, but didn't get a chance to talk with Anna. however i did hang out with a couple individuals that i love: Abby and Mary Anne.
i've been feeling a little discouraged lately about my bus route because it has seemed like none of the kids come anymore... this week was beautiful because although only one girl came, the Straw family drove themselves to the 11am service. the parents are really good parents and it was awesome to see them come.
i appreciate how God brings us through seasons to prove again and again that He is enough. my life can get so wrapped up in agenda and the minute details that i forget that unless He is in those details it is worthless.
one of my favorite things is watching people be set free... its beautiful.

Ahh...

It's here, finally. Spring break. I'm smiling as I write this because I'm excited to be able to rest a little. I will be working about 30 hours this week but I have some goals:

1. Sleep

2. Finish How Then Should We Live by Francis Schaefer
3. Bust out a fair amount of homework
4. Have a phone conversation with my sister Anna
5. Spend some time in Bible study I haven't gotten to

Anything I should add to this list?

i see you.

there are so many people around who are living their lives in seeming contrast to the rest of us here in portland. i see them. i hear them crying out, "notice me, notice me."

there are so many reasons for this pain, but chief is the breakdown of the family and the lack of fathers.

oh that we would rise up and be the church who notices.

I wonder what it was that the "God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven" heard when the Holy Spirit came?

The picture above is in the Philippines and I took it when driving to a village church on the island of Bohol to preach. What great memories.

food for thought...

Yesterday had President Elect Obama choosing pastor and author Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration January 20th. Ben Witherington has the story and his thoughts on his site http://benwitherington.blogspot.com/

Check it out.

Faithful # 2

God has done it again. He has proven himself faithful.
School's first semester is over, and I am so thankful that God made a way for me to get stuff done on time. I didn't arrive at the end of the semester with backwork still to be done or the sad feeling that I could have done better. Oh the sweet feeling of accomplishment!
I'll now be working on campus with the custodial team, part time. It's really an answer to prayer... the only thing I'm struggling with is how I'll continue to work with the Stitches team and keep the relationships I've built with the families. How does he want this to work?
Icing on the cake: I got a call that someone gave an anonymous check towards my tuition today!

I'm reading the latest book by Rob Bell called Jesus Wants to Save Christians.

it blows me away...

I'm just realizing that I've been here in Oregon just over five months. Craziness

sheesh...

school was intense this morning...

if asked to describe the feeling i have right now, i probably would say its something along the lines of heavy or thoughtful or maybe just intense. perhaps this is what it feels like to fear God, to be in awe of Him; apologies, i'm not too sure of how to categorize what i'm thinking and feeling.
i've questioned before why the israelites wanted a mediator instead of a direct connection with God, but i'm thinking that i understand, a piece of it anyways. honestly, i wonder if i would respond differently. it seems easy for me to question their response, but on days like today i'm not so sure i would be doing anything different. not to say that all my earings would go into a pot and come out a golden calf, but today i felt the presence of God a few times and it has come close to wrecking me.

Beginnings

I was reminded yesterday of a day almost a year ago when I was talking with a friend of mine, telling him that the books I was reading weren't making me want to dig deeper into the Word, but were actually discouraging me from searching for answers in the Bible and causing me to question things that I should've known as truth. I didn't see what obviously needed to happen... for me to stop reading them and instead focus on Scripture.
Now I'm at Bible College! Who would've thought? This place is amazing, the community incredible. I've never had or heard of Christian leaders (in the place of honor like my teachers here) who take the time to get to know each individual personally and care so much about the details of my life. I've been here almost 11 weeks already and I'm blown away by the Jesus I see at school.
Thank you Lord for bringing me here.
Tomorrow we leave for camp! I hear its the Disney Land of camp grounds... we'll see!

Letters to my former self

I'm just wrapping up a book called Here's to Hindsight (Letters to My former Self), written by one young lady, a musician named Tara Leigh Cobble. I've heard mixed reviews from people around me as I've been reading it, people who've read at least a part of it, but I think I really it. I appreciate Cobble's honesty and I enjoy her writing style.
My favorite line is in the middle when she's relating how she feels so at home in a bookstore, and says she likes the religion section but says its so bipolar, so much good and yet so much crap.
I don't know if I would purchase the book, but if you can borrow it then do it.
(Ashley Harpham has a copy and I'm almost done with it.)