Words are so cheap. I very much dislike putting them on paper because it seems like they just stare back at me, laughing at my lame attempt to make them convey something in my heart. How do I then begin to communicate something, if these words I write will not perform the task I give? I don't feel like an artist with my tongue or pencil. Shall I allow only others to craft with these tools? There is a little voice inside of me that screams, "NO! Don't let them have all the fun!" There's also another voice simultaneously, equally as emphatic, which says, "Yes, but allow Jesus to write a poem with your life. He is the Artist and you the art."

sheesh...

school was intense this morning...

if asked to describe the feeling i have right now, i probably would say its something along the lines of heavy or thoughtful or maybe just intense. perhaps this is what it feels like to fear God, to be in awe of Him; apologies, i'm not too sure of how to categorize what i'm thinking and feeling.
i've questioned before why the israelites wanted a mediator instead of a direct connection with God, but i'm thinking that i understand, a piece of it anyways. honestly, i wonder if i would respond differently. it seems easy for me to question their response, but on days like today i'm not so sure i would be doing anything different. not to say that all my earings would go into a pot and come out a golden calf, but today i felt the presence of God a few times and it has come close to wrecking me.

New

This update goes out to my new friend Joe who bugged me to update.
Okay, so I really should be studying the food or drink menu of Olive Garden for my tests tomorrow, but I got distracted and decided to update instead. My days are getting fuller but it's still serene sometimes to realize that I actually live in Portland, Oregon now. I had 19 days to explore the City before Tom was great and hooked me up with a job at the OG (he was great before). I've seen a lot, including Mount Tabor, the scene from Rocky Butte, LaurelHurst Park, and beautiful downtown. I've eaten at HotLips Pizza, Original Taco House, the Pita Pit, Jim and Patty's, and I know that Cooper's is my all time favorite place to get coffee, read and journal (my second fav is Sip and Kranz, sitting outside and watching the kids play in the water).
I guess I have to be done now... the Mixed Drink menu is calling. I'll update more in a few days.

FAITHFUL

Sunday morning I was chatting it up with a couple in Church that I've known forever... I used to watch their children years ago. We were talking about the transition I'm going through, the needing a job, the wanting to get involved but unsure how and where, the living with family. I asked them to let me know if they heard of any jobs available, and the husband told me that I could work for him! The job description is beautiful: great job (I get to work in jeans and a t-shirt and work with good people), great pay and great hours. Its also a seasonal position that lasts through May so I'm able to move out to Portland at the beginning of summer like I'd wanted.
Jesus never ceases to take care of me. He always comes through at the perfect time, though likely not when I would've planned. He is so faithful.

These are my two beautiful sisters and I, reunited!

6 Days into it...

"'Let us pray in quiet remembrance of our need for redemption.' The whole Lenten journey really is that simple, that focused, that pointed. The next forty days offer an invitation to each one of us: an invitation to do three things: to be still, to pray, to repent (which means to turn ourselves around a bit). In short, Lent is an invitation to really believe the Good News of Jesus Christ. That’s really all there is to it.
First, can you hear God saying to the whole community–to all Israel, to all the church, to you and me–be still. Shush! Be quiet. It’s only forty days! Be still and know that I am your God."

Across the 10/40

Last fall-ish when I was still in Thailand I had the chance to meet two great people... they are Jacob and Betsy, and I am more than a little envious of the travels they have had. They sold everything to go on a 10 month journey to more than 30 countries. The pictures they took are amazing.
If you have a chance go to the site and read about where they're at and look at the photos.

http://www.acrossthe1040.com/Photography.html

New Post Found Elsewhere

The organization I work with has a blog and I posted on there just now... if you care to read please click here or find the link to the lower right titled "Us Urbanites".

I can't think of anything cool to write here.

Everything Must Change is Brian McLaren's newest book, and the book I've been reading. Not to ruin it or anything, but I want share a thought:
It seems like other places in the world, specifically those that are developing, have an easier time understanding and taking hold of the Jesus who has come to save us not just for eternity but to save us in today. Someone who has HIV AIDS, has to scavenge to eat, and has no shelter is more likely to actually realize his need for a Savior.
I think maybe here in the U.S. we don't need Jesus anymore.
Let me explain. Do you remember when someone first shared Jesus with you? Maybe its because I've grown up in the Church, but I've been taught that Jesus is like insurance. Belief in Him spares me from something dark and inevitable, at the end of my life.
I don't even really know what to do with this thought. How can my life be different because Jesus is active in my life right now?

Song For My Family

This is a song for my family
outside the walls of sunday
morning from some within.
This is a song to confess our sins,
lay it all out, and try to begin
again. To hope again.

Please forgive our ignorance
in looking down on you
Please forgive our selfishness
for hiding in our pews while the
world bleeds
while the world needs us
To be what we should be

This is a song for my family who
just can't believe in the Jesus that
you've seen on Sunday morning.

This is a song for the
cynical saints.
The burned out and hopeless.
The ones that we've cast away.
I feel your pain.

Please forgive the wastefulness
of all that we could be
But don't forget, there's more than
this.
Her beauty still exists.
His bride is still alive.
His bride is still alive.

This is a song for my family inside
the walls of Sunday morning.
Be what you should be.

This song was written by Michael Gungor